An Exploration of Attachment

Over the years, I have studied many spiritual philosophies. One thing that intersects with more than one, is the concept of non-attachment. There are different angles, different language, different techniques but the general idea is attachment leads to suffering. This is because when you are attached to something, whether it is a person, place or thing it holds a certain power over your happiness. 

Last winter, I was in a course that was really digging into this idea. I began to place my awareness more and more on what effect the people, places and things in my life had on my moods and fluctuations in my ability to experience happiness. It was really interesting. I noticed how I would form my day around the potential of interacting with certain people and if it didn’t pan out, how that felt. Or if something I really loved got ruined, how upset I got. Or if I really wanted to go somewhere and couldn’t, how frustrated it made me. 

On the outside, I tend to be pretty chill and I see myself as chill. I roll with things. I am patient and flexible. I like to think of myself as someone who is in control of the level at which things affect me.

Imagine my surprise when I began to realize, internally, how much each decision I was making was unconsciously being swayed by the way certain things made me feel!

Ok. I can hear you all saying, well of course we all make decisions towards things that make us feel good. Duh. But at what point do we cease to be the one actually making the decision? At what point is the external object guiding our day? Making our choices for us, BECAUSE of the way IT makes us feel. Because when how we feel is dependent on something external, then it is true, suffering is inevitable. 

So, what do we do?

Enter the D word. Discipline. I am not good with discipline. I will be honest. I don’t like to be told what to do. Even if it is ME telling me what to do. But I had to try it and so I did. I took one thing and practiced totally detaching from it. OH MY GOD. Don’t do that. It was literally like taking a sword putting it in molten lava and then slicing off a limb.

So, what do we do????

My mind went back to when I read the Tao of Pooh. There was one story about Pooh trying so hard to get his honey jar open. He wanted that honey and so he gripped tighter and tighter to get the jar open. Finally, tiny Piglet came along, gently held it and it came right open.

We are human. We are here in this world full of things. We are going to have attachments. We just are. And if you think you don’t……..

So, for me, I think the answers lie in awareness of how we attach and how we hold our attachments. Becoming conscious of those unconscious decisions and perhaps loosening our grip on the honey jar. Maybe even putting it down for a minute? Maybe playing with how far we can venture away without it each day?

Allowing each moment to unfold as it will, opening your arms to embrace it fully without fearing that you will drop something that you are holding onto.

Here’s to the continued exploration :)

Sending love,

Sri Devi Melissa